Dear Education Gap, I hate you.

Have you ever gotten that achy, awful feeling in your stomach about something? Well, that's how I feel when I think about the education gap. Lately, it (it being education inequity, my students, the students in my district, the schools I grew up in, education in general) has been on my mind. How could it not be? I start teaching in just a week and a half.

...and I'm filled with this awful feeling in my stomach. Very few feelings compare. I think I actually felt more optimistic about being sick. I'm not kidding. I really truly wish I was.

Let me explain. Here's how the whole cancer thing worked for me.

December 1, 2006--Doctor: "You need to have chemo and to start in about 2.5 weeks...do you have any questions?" me: "Do I have cancer? Doctor: "No one told you?"
I went home. I made a to do list. I wrote D next to things my dad needed to do, A next to things I needed to do. I made phone calls, many of them. I cried, yes, but I went into Alex-crisis mode. There was a problem, and I was going to solve it by having snacks on hand (helps with all the meds) and learning everything I could about the problem a.k.a. cancer.
Later that day--phone call from the doctor: "We got your blood tests results back. We need to start chemo Monday."

Then, I did everything in fast-forward speed. I had two days. I stopped by the Y to see my boss; we picked up medicines; I had a picc-line put in my arm (if anyone ever tells you it's painless, I assure that person is lying). To do list=completed.

December 3, 2006--Day 1 of chemo.

December 25, 2006--Finally let my hair fall out. (No really, I didn't wash it for a couple days so I could make it through Christmas with hair.)

December 27, 2006--20th birthday. Cupcakes at the hospital. Baldness. Super fun. (I really need to invent sarcastic marks.)

January 29, 2007--Last day of chemo. Amazingness.

January 29, 2008--Celebrate one year of great health with tequila and margaritas and friends.

January 29, 2009--Celebrate two years of great health with friends and a tequila sunrise (see the pattern?).

January 29, 2010--Celebrate three years of great health with chinese food and margaritas and my puppy.

...Cancer was "simple." There was a problem, and I created a solution. Granted my solution doesn't guarantee good health, but my solution was: do as much as I can to make things better.

Now, let's go back to education inequity. A GLARING problem. Yet my to do list skills are failing me. I am wondering: What is my way of dealing with this problem? HOW do I fight it?

Cancer I could accept. I hated it, but I could accept it. Nothing could have prevented it, nothing could have made it go away.

Children not all receiving amazing educations? I can't accept that. I hate it, and I can't accept it. This problem SHOULD have been prevented, and something CAN make it go away. I'm not sure though, what is the right "something" to make it go away. I hate that. I hate IT.

And now I'll go to sleep with a knot in my stomach, this achy feeling reminding me how much I am bothered by this problem and wondering how I will be a part of the solution.

Spring Break for an Undergrad...

This email to my dad from college borders on ridiculous. It was titled "Spring Break appts":

Sunday: Fly home
Monday: 2:30 Dr. Colis (I need you to drive me because I have to get those drops put in my eyes)
Tuesday: 11:40 Dr. Block, 1:00 Thyroid Ultrasound
Wednesday: 10:30 Gardisil shot, 11:20 Dr. Hurteau, 1:00 P.M. Haircut with Cassandra
Thursday: Hooray! Nothing!
Friday: Fly back to LA

Clearly, that "vacation" was awesome.


P.S. I cannot wait to purchase Simply Sleep. I officially hate the hour of 4 to 5 A.M.
P.P.S. Question: How do you abbreviate time? A.M.? AM? a.m.? am?

"I mean, I think you're past the point of 'What does not kill you makes you stronger.'" -Kat

Thanks, Kat. I agree. I have some awesome friends. If only I didn't have to revert to cliches and quotes to remind myself that a current icky situation I find myself in is just a little bump in the road. Seriously, a legit little bump when compared with things like cancer and Alzheimer's. However, I sometimes wish I didn't have the perspective that comes with chemo and a more-than forgetful mother. Really. In fact, right about now, I would very much so like to be in Lake Forest, scar-less, watching Nelson Schmelson with my entire family, which would include a mom who knows who I am.

Wow. Gray cloud overhead. I'm having a grumpy night.

So, again, because I clearly need it, 10 blessings in my life:
1. I am teaching A.M. Kindergarten! I just found out today--and so this means I get to eat lunch with Laurie and perhaps see Kristen more this year!
2. My dad is awesome. He's sounded extra tired lately on the phone, but he is awesome. He lets me vent about stupid things (see above) without following up with stupid cliches. Oddly enough, without saying it, he reminds me that really, it could be worse.
3. I am highly amused by my conversations with my brother. Especially one today where for whatever reason I told him what I was doing despite the fact that he did not ask. I'm in dire need of Simply Sleep. (I think it will be one of my first purchases when I'm all moved into my new place.)
4. Holly came over today, and we literally sat on the floor (I've been couchless for a couple weeks now), ate Chipotle, and chatted. She is great. Even better, she brought me Funfetti cookies. Awesome friend.
5. Um, Kat? We talked for over an hour tonight. I don't even have words for how great she is. Well, I have words, but they're not adequate. They won't explain or show you how much I appreciate her and her friendship.
6. Chloe. Yes, I'm thankful and blessed by my 5-pound dog. I can't help it. She's a riot. I like to think she's smart, because she's a poodle...but I also wonder after watching her play with a toy for over an hour hoping she can get a treat out whether or not she is that smart.
7. God. Okay, don't get me wrong. I suck at going to church. And praying. And many other things related to my relationship with God. In fact, I'm basically failing here. However, in good times and in bad times, it at least comforts me that perhaps one day I will be able to be better about going to church...and praying...and I know that I can only do those things with God.
8. Diet coke. Oh a blessing and a curse. Curse: I'm addicted, I'm up at 4 A.M., I cannot sleep regular hours to save my life. In addition, I may or may not be filled with formaldehyde (I hear aspartame turns into formaldehyde...perhaps not best for me to be drinking it). Blessing? Terrible sleep patterns=excellent planning time. I can't run errands in the middle of the night so I pop in a disc of Friends or HIMYM and plan away.
9. KIND CAMPAIGN. Gosh. Molly and Lauren are doing a-ma-zing things with it. I'm just SO blessed to know them and to get to spread the word about something so clearly needed. BE KIND.
10. My classroom theme. Okay, so this is not as grand a blessing as say wonderful health (#11 if I were continuing with my list), but I am getting so excited to take my students on a Learning Safari this year. Yup! That's my theme! To celebrate, I even had a dance party today in my apartment to some of the songs on the Lion King soundtrack. You know I'm cool.

...And already, I am feeling better. I have brief moments where I almost feel myself getting angry or upset, but I realize those two emotions accomplish nothing in this situation. That's not to say I'm immune to those feelings (believe me, they're present, especially right now), but I'm just doing my best to choose other ways to respond to this. One such way that has proved successful? Dance party. Now you know why I teach kindergarten.


P.S. Check out my new blog about all things related to teaching: The Teacher Diaries.

P.P.S. Today, a facebook friend had the following as her status:"5 years in the clear confirmed today! God is good!" This is a friend of Chris' and also fortunately someone who is great enough to be my facebook friend...and she found out she is 5 years in the clear from cancer! I forgot to mention she's only around 28 years old I believe. When I was sick (oh how ridiculous and dismal that sounds), she reached out to me, and in the few times I've seen her, she is just a wonderful person. How WONDERFUL for her to celebrate this day. I hope I know the excitement that comes with this news in just a few years.

Help make the world a KINDer place!

I'm writing to ask you to support some amazing Pepperdine graduates (and friends of mine), Molly Stroud and Lauren Parsekian, who are the founders of Kind Campaign by voting for them to win a grant from the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project! If they win the grant, they can offer assemblies at schools, just like mine, for FREE!

Kind Campaign is: A movement and documentary, based upon the powerful belief in KINDness, that brings awareness and healing to the negative and lasting effects of girl-against-girl "crime".

The founders, Molly and Lauren, are doing absolutely amazing things with this campaign, and with the grant money they will be able to finish their film, fund their Fall KC school assembly tour, start Kind Clubs, and offer their national program FREE OF CHARGE to schools. Your votes can help bring a phenomenal program to us!

Check out their website for more info: www.kindcampaign.com, and PLEASE VOTE! You can vote twice a day every day for the month of August--once on your computer and once from your phone! Take 5 seconds to vote: visit http://www.refresheverything.com/kindcampaign, and text 101818 to Pepsi (73774) to vote by phone!


Thanks in advance for taking the time to support a wonderful program (and passing this on to your family and friends)!

Check out the Finding Kind trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woZTiMgWYDo and two previous posts where I mention KC:
I'm just really happy! :)

Kind Campaign...in the New York Times!

Late night posting...it gets no better...

The past couple days have been rocky, but thank goodness for the middle of the night to give me some time to think. Despite my efforts to become a morning person and to go to bed on time, I'm convinced I am a late night person. Even in high school I remember staying up late...and then I would convince my dad to drive me to school in the morning so I could sleep on the ride there. Anyone who knows me from Pepperdine probably received an email from me in the middle of the night. I can't help it. When all the hustle and bustle of the day disappears, I can breathe, think, and refocus.

So, needless to say after an interesting couple days, I needed this late night calmness to arrive. Long story short, it looks as though I'm going to be paying quite a bit more for my Master's than intended. This unexpected cost is just not something I was at all prepared for, for several reasons (otherwise I would call it an "expected" cost), and apparently this is something that stresses me out. Who knew.

Isn't this when I'm supposed to say: "Psshh. I've been through worse. Bring it on."? Well, if the past 9 years of my life are any indicator of what's heading my way in the future, I'm a little nervous. Sometimes I reminisce to when life was normal. Oh to be 14 again.

However, as always I'm reminded of the fact that in the grand scheme of things, my life could be 1000x worse...to put a more positive spin on that sentence: My life is amazing. Sure there are so many unknowns and crazy happenings in my life (what else is new...), but if I were to make a list of all my blessings, the list would never end.

Let me toss out 10 wonderful parts of my life from the past couple weeks before I go to bed:
1. I drove in my amazing car with my amazing dog down to LA.
2. I saw Nnenna and Jenn...and drank Coffee Bean.
3. I stayed with my phenomenal big sis Minda in Santa Monica...and we ate Thai Dishes one night.
4. My feet touched the beach.
5. I saw my amazing little sis Afton.
6. Becca is back in the states!
7. Julie is back in the states too--and back in SAN JOSE!
8. I've spoken with my aunt and cousins on the phone several times in the last weeks.
9. Indoor skydiving. So fun.
10. Valerie and I were able to spend nearly an entire day catching up in Marina del Rey when I drove down to LA.

...Please note that 7 of those 10 occurred over the course of three days.
I'll say it again:
I. Am. Blessed.

Now off to bed, it's time to go,
For if I don't, we all know,
Tomorrow, I'll need coffee.

(...did you think it was going to rhyme?)