How to Make a Really Great Care Package (Trust Me, I've Received Quite a Few)

Today I went to the post office to pick up a "parcel" for which I had received a missed delivery notice. In case you know as little about mail as I do, parcel does not mean slightly oversized envelope. I was expecting an envelope no bigger than 10x14...only to discover parcel meant a very large box that takes up the entire front seat of a MINI Cooper. One of my friends from college sent me a ridiculously awesome care package.

I have had at least a couple occasions in my life when friends have felt it was necessary to send me care packages (you know, cancer, and the past two weeks of course...).

Also, I have the best friends ever.

As a result, I feel I can speak fairly confidently about how to make a really great care package.

So, in case someone you know needs something to brighten his/her day, read on. Here are suggested items to include:

1. A CD you burned for him/her, with awesome music. Good music is not acceptable. Great, well, that will do, but let's be honest, you have to put some awesome music on it for the CD to be worthwhile.

2. Food. Today in my ridiculously large box of wonderfulness, I found: Triscuits, Milano cookies, Goldfish, and brownie mix. Here's the genius behind a care package with the aforementioned foods: The recipient can convince him/herself that all the food really is healthy! Afterall, Triscuits and Goldfish are crackers, right? Plus, everyone needs a little chocolate to live longer. I swear I've read a study on this somewhere.

Another brilliant food pairing when we were home in Florida was cheesecake + fruit from Edible Arrangements. Since I probably ate twice my weight in fruit, surely it was acceptable that I also ate maybe half my weight in cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, right?

FYI Cheesecake Factory, Giordano's, Lou Malnati's, and Portillo's all deliver. Nationwide.

3. Alcohol. Be careful here. There is an art to giving a friend adult beverages. For example, one bottle of wine=perfect. Several bottles of wine may lead me to believe you either think that I am more fun when I'm drunk or that I drink far more than I do. Despite my love of margaritas, when I was home this past week in Florida, it was the first time I'd had a drink since August. Also, think about the occasion. I may or may not have suggested mimosas for post-funeral drinks. My brother reminded me we probably ought not to purchase champagne for such an event. In my defense, I am blonde and did not think my drink suggestion through--I just felt mimosas were a good before-noon drink. However, it should be noted that had my care package come with a bottle of champagne, regardless of its fanciness, I would probably not have loved it as much.

4. Small candles/yummy smelling things.  Today's care package came with small fall-smelling candles. Yum. When I was going through chemo, another friend added a couple candles to what she sent me as well, and it definitely was a nice change from hospital-smelliness.

5. Something that will make the recipient laugh. My friend Liz, whose blog by the way is far wittier and has far more and far better photos than mine, sent me an Idaho potatoes gift when I was going through chemo. Liz is from Idaho, and this gift not only made me laugh out loud as it came with a small potato stuffed animal spud-man, but it also was food so it had multiple purposes. Phenomenal.

6. Gift cards, only if you know what your friend likes. A professor from Pepperdine sent me Cheesecake Factory gift cards when I was home sick in college. Today I received a Starbucks gift card AND a Coffee Bean gift card. Caffeinate me please!

All that said, there are two important things to note here:
-I am a 24-year old female. I don't know that guys would necessarily want "small candles/yummy smelling things," but I also have a hunch they would secretly love them, especially since they could say: "Well, I couldn't just get rid of them. It would be rude to throw them out." (Appropriate Friends' reference here...sadly youtube won't let me embed the video so link on over if you'd like.)
-A hug is something you can't put in a care package but usually is pretty awesome. This morning I really needed a hug...and as much as my students give awesome hugs, I needed one of those big hugs that makes you feel so much better and only someone who knows you super well can give, and I couldn't find anyone! Never underestimate the power of a hug! (Could I be any more girly here?)

Well, I best be off to bed. I have some rockin' kinders to teach in the morning...
love,
a

A Letter to the Most Wonderful Woman I've Ever Known

For those of you who knew her and those of you who didn't, some insight into what made my mom so amazing.

Dear Mom,

Well today’s a weird day. Today is the day I am giving your eulogy. I know that many people often have timelines for their lives. By age 25, they’ll be engaged, by age 27 married, and by 30 happily living in the suburbs with a dog and a baby on the way.

First of all, let me thank you for making both Chris and me feel like we never had deadlines like those to meet. That said, if I did make a timeline for my life, I never would have said, "Hmmm…age 24…mom’s funeral,” but like I said, Mom, today is a weird day.

Today is a day we’re gathered to mourn losing you (and I know you wouldn’t want us to be here mourning, but like it or not we are, because we miss you. A lot.) However, today is also a wonderful day for us to celebrate the amazing woman you are.

Now, I can already hear you scoffing—saying that other people are amazing, downplaying how wonderful you are, but Mom, you are quite brilliant. I remember learning in 3^rd grade how to write a persuasive essay. So, allow me please to persuade you, to convince you of your amazingness.

First, you have the most amazing heart. There was never a time when Chris, Dad, or I ever wanted for anything with you. You somehow managed to do everything and make it look easy. From PTA to swim meets to taking care of the dogs, you had us convinced that being a mom was the easiest job ever.

You also had a penchant for striking up conversations with strangers…and while this often made Chris or me cringe when we went into Sunset, wondering how long it would take us to get groceries with the number of people you might meet and instantly become best friends with, this was not only a skill of yours but also a blessing for others. When you spoke to a person, you made her feel like she was the only one in the room. You gave that person your full attention, and you always remembered all the details about what she said. This skill, this ability to connect with someone on such a personal level made you loved and valued by so many people, because you made every person you spoke with feel loved and valued as well.

Thank you for teaching all of us how to show those around us how important they are to us. We never miss an opportunity to say I love you or to tell the people we love how much they mean to us.

It was not just your heart that set you apart from everyone else, however, Mom. My goodness did you have a way with words. You always knew what to say. We all know you could talk for hours on end…but in those hours, you always had the right words to say. The words to comfort someone, the words to make us smile, the words to make us realize perhaps we made a mistake and actually were in the wrong. As Dad said just the other night at dinner, while we may have occasionally been bold enough to argue with you, we instantly wished otherwise since your way with words made us realize that yes you were right, and we were wrong.

Your words guided us when we were confused and comforted us when we were down, and like I said, you always knew just what to say. The infamous story I always tell goes all the way back to when I was in 6^th grade. It seems like it was just yesterday that I came home from school and told you that someone was mean to me. I cried a little, you gave me a hug, and then you simply said: “Life is tough, Alex. People aren’t always going to be nice to you. Suck it up.” I of course cried harder, thinking I had the meanest mom ever…but man, Mom, you were right. I certainly didn’t know that in just 3 years you would start to forget my name or that in 6 years I’d be rocking a scarf and a scar in the cancer center, but over the past 11 years, those words have guided me through some pretty tough times. Life is tough, but I find myself constantly reminding myself: Suck it up. Life could be worse. As such I’ve been called an eternal optimist, a label I proudly accept, because I know when I smile when times are tough, when I take on challenges that to others seem way too difficult, I’m doing it with strength I get from you.

Which brings me to the final way I’ll attempt to convince you of your amazingness. You may have noticed that I keep switching tenses, from past to present to past and then back to present again. Rest assured, Mom, Loyola taught me well, so this is not a mistake on my part. Instead, I keep going back and forth, because here we are, Mom. We’re at your funeral. In some ways, this implies I need to speak about the woman you “were”. The woman you used to be. Your amazingness though is not just in the woman you were. You are amazing, because even though you may not physically be present with us anymore, you will always be present in our hearts and everything we do. 

I wish you could see the patience Dad learned from you. Yes, the same man you married who admittedly does still get a little huffy when we are driving behind someone even older than he is in southwest Florida, has learned to be patient with himself as he loses someone he loves more than life itself. He often says he just tries to do what you would have wanted him to, and so as you live in him, know that he has become one of the most compassionate, thoughtful, and devoted fathers and friends ever.

Mom, Chris embodies your courage to follow your heart in a way that is just spectacular. He sings opera in Germany, and I know it hasn’t been easy, but he has been sticking it out for quite a few years and, from what I hear, doing pretty well. You are without a doubt present in his heart, his courage to move new places and do something other people might be too scared to do, and I hope today you can hear his voice singing a prayer for you.

Then, Mom, there is your sister, Ciocia (for those of you hearing me read this letter, you probably know her as Mary). She reminds me of you every time I speak to her. She loves her family immensely and keeps us all connected, just as you did when you were here.

Finally, Mom, there is me. Every day, whether I realize it or not, you guide me. You taught me patience, compassion, and confidence, even when singing, because yes, I got your voice, and I still sing every day in front of 26 kindergarteners.

Gosh, Mom. 60 years. I think we all could argue that you deserved more years here, and we all wish we had more time with you. However, who are we to argue or to be depressed when we were blessed just by knowing you? I had 15 years with you when you were healthy. 15. Sometimes it seems like too few, but then I remember: Life is tough. Life would have been much tougher on all of us if we didn’t have you. You make us who we are today, you give us the strength to make it through losing you, and you will always be here with us. We will miss you terribly, but we promise to suck it up, to keep moving forward knowing that while we miss you, you will always be in our hearts, and that you have given us more in your 60 years than most people give to others in 100. We love you.

Love,

Alex            

         

Oh my God, that's great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... "brainy, bright, clever." I love this thing! Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!

My dad just informed me I misspelled eugoogoogly. Still not sure if I'm spelling it correctly.

"A eugooglizer. One who speaks at funerals, or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogly was?"

I wrote a eulogy today.
Weird.

"Come on Lily, the only way it was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed."

Originally this post would be detailing my trip from LA to FL yesterday.

Then, tonight I decided to do laundry.

I went into the laundry room...pulled some clothing out of the dryer...

"Oh my god! Oh my god!! Oh my goddddd!" I yelled as I ran out of the laundry room.

My dad, who had been somewhat peacefully sleeping on the couch (I love you, Dad, but you are the loudest snorer ever), practically jumped off the couch.

"Oh my god. Dad. There is the BIGGEST bug I have ever seen in there."

My dad, half-asleep, crawled off the couch in search for his sandals so he could go kill this bug.

"It's on the cabinet. Above the dryer. Dad, I swear. It's the biggest bug ever. I am not being dramatic. It's bigger than any bug I've ever seen."

I listened anxiously to my dad hitting the cabinet with his sandal. He then reported that he hit the bug, but he couldn't find it. It fell somewhere in the laundry room.

"Okay, I have to put my stuff in the dryer. Will you stand here while I move it in case the bug comes back?"

Laundry=in dryer.

Bug=still in hiding.

Alex=very anxious about this bug.

Solution?

"Don't worry, Dad. I have it covered. I closed the door, and I stuck a blanket under at the bottom so the bug can't get out.

...hey Dad, did you know you eat eight spiders a year?"

I may or may not have an irrational fear of bugs. This bug seriously was huge though. Here's hoping I can fall asleep without this bug finding its way to me. Goodnight lovely friends.

The House is Weirdly Quiet Tonight

Sunday night I could not sleep to save my life...I watched TV most of the night, falling asleep for an hour at most, and I pretty much had given up on getting a good night's rest. Maggie and I had decided to carpool to work the next day, and I had volunteered to drive. At about 5:30 a.m. (I think) however I texted Maggie to see if she could drive. I could barely keep my eyes open after tossing and turning all night!

Well, no sooner did I send this text message, my phone rang. It was my dad. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why he was calling so early. At around 8 a.m. in Florida on Monday morning, my mom passed away. My dad said it was very peaceful, and so there you go. All that we have worried and anxiously anticipated for 10 years now happened quickly, quietly, and peacefully.

I let Maggie know that morning since I would likely be flying home soon, and we headed to work. I think I cried a tiny bit when my dad told me, but no crazy spout of tears yet. I emailed all the staff at school to let them know...and to ask them in the most polite way possible not to hug me as I feared that would set off my crying! :P I had 26 kindergarteners to teach that day, and while I had no idea what I was teaching (apart from the letter I...I did remember that...), I knew I couldn't be crying to do so. I was able to talk to my brother Chris for a few minutes on the way to work, and I found out he would be able to come home to Florida too, which was pretty cool.

I made the choice to post a facebook update letting everyone know about my mom, and I also emailed our friends and family. I've often vacillated on whether or not facebook is the way to share this kind of news. I think in an ideal world, no facebook isn't. That said, if I have a choice between lots of prayers being said for my mom because of a few words on facebook, I choose of lots of prayers. At the end the day, that update and that email saved me from having lots of conversations and relaying the message over and over again...and they also allowed for prayers from so many different people. Goodness knows if my mom had had a facebook account, she would have had a bazillion friends (or at the very least a bazillion friend requests), and I figure she deserves just as many prayers.

Back to my arrival at school...

I had been chatting with another wonderful teacher, Maryrose, the night before, and she had offerred to bring me Coffee Bean that morning. Well, man I needed that hazelnut iced blended. It started my morning off well, and my students were rockstars throughout the morning. We made it through all we had to teach, and then came lunch.

During lunch I realized I should probably try to find a flight home...or at least start exploring flight options. I called my dad to chat for a few moments, and I teared up a bit. It was surreal, starting to figure out when to fly home for my mom's funeral. Weird. Funeral. Then other weird things kept coming to mind: My dad could pick me up whenever I arrived, because he wouldn't have to get a volunteer to sit with my mom. I started to realize a little how things were going to be different now when I went home.

I'll share about my adventure home later, but let's just say, I am glad to be back, and yes things are different. The room I ended up having in our house in Florida is next to my mom's old room. My mom had her own room here since she needed a hospital bed and other things. The few times I have been here in the past couple years, I have fallen asleep to my mom's weird sleep singing (my mom seemed to like to stay awake and sing at night...and it was even better, because the singing/talking definitely was not a song or anything that would help you fall asleep). Whenever we would be in the house, if my mom was in her room, we could hear her on these baby monitors my dad got so he would know how she was doing from wherever he was. Today, the house was weirdly quiet. No noise from the monitors while we watched TV. No singing right now as I'm getting ready to go to sleep.

Things certainly are a little different.

Here's a photo of our super cool family just a couple months ago (July):

One thing I noticed right away when I was home in July is how much weight my mom had lost. This seems kind of impossible to tell, because her stomach is so large. In May, we found out my mom had cancer, and she had lots of tumors in her stomach. However, if you look closely, you can see her legs and arms are thin, her cheekbones and collarbone are protruding.

One more real important thing to notice: How happy my dad looks. He's pretty awesome. Our entire family is pretty darn happy here. We are lucky that we like and love each other as much as we do, and we were even luckier to get to be home just the four of us. It was the first time in a year and a half! :)

Well, now it's time to get to bed. It may only be 10:46 in LA, but that means it's 1:46 here, and I'm hoping I'm not a cranky pants tomorrow after traveling all day, because I know Chloe is going to wake me up bright and early. Oh yes, Chloe is here. My travel update will be a good one. It may or may not involve Chloe breaking out of her bag on the airplane...

Responsibility. It really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences.

I remember right before I graduated from high school, my dad and I turned on this TV show...we watched the pilot of a show about a woman who was in her first year of her medical internship. Oh how oddly fitting it seemed when the episode ended with main character sitting with her mom in a nursing home, and her mom doesn't remember who she is.

I remember thinking two things:
1. Wow. There's something actually on TV about Alzheimer's.
2. If Meredith Grey were a real person, she would likely be about 10 years older than me, but I'll take it.

Since then I've watched Grey's, through its great seasons ("What is that? That is 8 million. 8 million dollars does not like to have juice spilled on it.") and not-so-great seasons (Really, Izzie with the brain tumor?).

I'm not going to lie, part of me hoped I would learn something new when Meredith's mom died. I wondered if maybe it might be some way to understand something no one else would ever be able to explain to me. It's a rare thing to have a mother with Alzheimer's...when you're 15, 18, 25.  It's not as rare as your age increases, so I thought perhaps there might be something I could glean from a TV episode about a young-ish person with a parent with Alzheimer's.

Then Grey's failed me...because Meredith and her mom both had this moment when they got to speak to each other when they both of course were in life-threatening situations. Grey's, been there. I had the whole life-threatening thing happen (though I was a little unaware of it at the time), and that did not happen.

Damn TV. Not solving my problems or teaching me life lessons.

So, how have I been dealing with the latest news?

Well,
1. I emailed our family and friends on Thursday night.
2. I went to work as per usual and again practiced with my students how to use quiet voices. They also did super cool things like fill out college applications thanks to a super cool teacher at our school.
3. I responded to half of the emails I got Friday during lunch.
4. After school I went shopping with my roommate, ate the rest of my pint of ice cream, and then fell asleep watching Alias.
5. Today, I laid in bed...watched more Alias, got a diet coke, made a Costco run for fruit since I can only eat so much ice cream, painted my nails, and as of late have been catching up on all the season premieres of my favorite shows (Grey's, Private Practice, and Happy Endings).
6. I wrote this blog post...because let's be honest, I don't really want to have to say any of this to people...I just want them to know already.

And that's where I am. As for my mom, my dad said she has her eyes open, but she still has not had any food or fluids.

One reason why I love the show Happy Endings: