It's been forever...

...but I really only have time to share a couple quotes:

1. "So, kindergarten...that must be really easy, huh?"

2. "You're waiting for him to do something? He's the President of the United States. He could quit now, and he'd have done something. Waiting for him to do something...what have YOU done? YOU do something...."

3. "I don't think I could ever tweet.
But I should try.
I might learn not to blather!
You're never too old to learn, you know!"

4. "I don't want to be the person who tries to play the 'My life is tough' game with you..."

5. "Kristin, it's Alex. I know this will be funny tomorrow, but right now I'm about to burst into tears. The f***ing pedal of my bike just fell off. Can you come pick me up from Target please?"

Kristin and Julie heard me swear for the first time a couple weeks ago. Julie has known me for almost 5 years now...so that ought to give you a clue of how frequently I swear.

All that said, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new class! I cannot even express how AMAZING they are. :)

Alrighty, time to get ready for tomorrow and the adventures that come with it!

Brief snippets of my life. *****=Sorry I can't tell you what was making me angry, but something was!

TWO DAYS AGO
Part of an email from my dad. This is one of the many reasons he is awesome:
I realize how upset you are and their attitude does not help at all but this is another case where you have to rise above the fray as you have so many times in your young life. In the grand scheme of what you have experienced this is like a minor pimple on your toe and does not amount to much. I'm not going to sit here and say something stupid like "if it doesn't kill you it ......" because I believe that is a bunch of crap. Whoever came up with that platitude was probably sitting in some ivory tower somewhere.

...

So, think about the new faces you will see in your class in a few days and how you will inspire them with a love of learning which you have always displayed. Think of how proud you will be a few months down the road when you will see how far they have come under your guidance and look at the first graders whom you started on the path to learning last year and I think you will feel better. You are doing exactly what you were born to do right now and in the place where you should be doing it.



YESTERDAY
Chris: hows it going

you had angry away messages up

me: good, i'm exhausted

oh yes

stupid *****

haha

Chris: ah

im sorry

me: it's okay

i just got this crappy email about *****

and i hated the way they phrased everything

Chris: hmm

im sorry that theyre being like that

me: no big deal i guess

Chris: well it just sucks

[more conversation with Chris]

Chris: i see

me: well i told dad

i'm fairly certain i would say something highly inappropriate to ***** right now

so best not to talk to them
6:07 PM
Chris: yeah

probably so



TODAY
Chris: how much coffee have you had
2:07 PM
me: just one

at noon

i will go back and get one before i leave

but that's not till 5

Chris: ha

you just seem hyper

me: oh well probably because my students rock
2:08 PM
not because of caffeine




P.S. Just a reminder. All things in life can be related to Friends. Most things in life can be related to both Friends and HIMYM. So I am off to watch some and hope that I can fall asleep soon.

P.P.S. I wrote this in an email today: "If it makes you feel any better, the only reason I really think I'm less stressed is because last night one of my roommates and I just hung out, watched mindless TV, and I had two drinks and did not think about school. I needed the 2nd one to really stop thinking about school and to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night and to sleep late. Let me point out that two weeks ago I was sleeping till 3 P.M. and up till 4 A.M. each night...I "slept in" till 9 A.M. today. So my conclusion: simply sleep helps, and so does a strong drink."

I am my father's daughter (though I was not drinking vodka on the rocks with bleu cheese olives), but I take my brother's pre-college advice to heart: Don't replace diet coke with Jack. You know you have a problem when you say, "I just need a shot to wake up." So before you start thinking uh-oh Alex needs an intervention (HIMYM reference...), I've had maybe 7 drinks in the past 3 months.

LAST ONE P.P.P.S. I met some students today. I'm beyond stoked for this year. They are AMAZING!!!!!!! Could I *BE* any more excited?

I have amazing friends...

Please read the entire post below from my friend Ciara who is in Africa. She is doing amazing things, and clearly she is needed greatly.

Words cannot express how difficult these last couple days have been. Where do I even begin?

Pain. First, I guess I will start with the least significant piece of news. As my friends Zep and Nairi were saying their goodbyes to the children and packing up their things for America, I began to feel this horrible pain in my right side. "Hmm...this feels sort of familiar...whatever, I'll be fine." As I often tend to do, I tried to ignore my symptoms and focus on the tasks at hand; holding babies, taking pictures, and saying goodbye to my friends. However, at one point, the pain got so bad that I had to put the kids down and step outside for some air. For approximately the next two hours, the pain was unbearable. I curled up in my bed and hoped it would pass. To make a long story short, I think I had a kidney stone (or infection?). My mom called the doctor and I started taking antibiotics. My side is still a little sore, but I'm not in nearly as much pain as I was the other day. Whew! (Please don't worry about me).

Like I said, my pain is the least of the bad news and horribly insignificant in comparison. Sadly, let me tell you about Neema. Neema is a little girl at the baby home who is about three or four years old. She is absolutely beautiful. Her smile melts your heart and her laugh is outrageously contagious. She came to the baby home about two years ago after suffering some of the most horrible trauma and abuse you could ever imagine. Neema was repeatedly raped by her father. When she first came to the baby home, she was frail, tiny, and in so much pain. Because of her abuse, Neema currently frequently suffers rectal prolapses. Basically, the end of her colon ends up on the outside of her body. She had one surgery a while ago to prevent this from happening again, but like many procedures in Africa, it didn't work.

A few days ago, Neema woke up in the morning in a great deal of pain. The poor little darling walked out of her bedroom with her back hunched over and her little bum in the air. "It hurts," she kept saying while pointing to her nappy (diaper). Her normally joyous face was now scrunched up, wincing with every movement. I held Neema that morning until she fell asleep. Apparently, there's nothing we can do for her and eventually her insides work their way back in again and she goes on with her daily routine.

Luckily, it only took a day for this to happen and Neema is back to her normal, happy self again. But can I take a second and say, "WHAT?! A two-year-old?! Her own father?! How disgusting and cruel do you have to be?" How could anyone ever do such a thing? I was truly heartbroken holding her and watching her have to deal with the consequences of such cruelty. I don't know if I've ever felt more helpless. Precious Neema. Please keep this beautiful little girl in your prayers.

Suffering. I don't know how many of you follow the baby home website, but if you don't, let me tell you about another gorgeous baby, baby George. Georgie is one of those babies who people are drawn to automatically. Not only is he a handsome little thing (a future heart-breaker for sure), but he is almost always full of joy. You will never find George crying just for attention or whining for a different toy, etc. More often, you will find him smiling, eyes twinkling, and full of innocent wonderment.

Lately however, little Georgie (about a year old) definitely has reason to be crying. George was born without an anus and has had a colostomy bag since birth. In hopes of easing current and future difficulties, George has undergone several surgeries in the last year and now has an anus. This is fantastic news for any child, but especially for an orphan in Africa.

Yesterday, George finally came home from the hospital and today I got to spend some time with him. As we looked after him, Erika (another long-term volunteer) and I began to well up with tears. George has had each of his surgeries (all major) without ANY pain medication whatsoever. He has a huge open wound in his side where the colostomy bag has been (now stitched up), and his intestines disconnected and reconnected, a hole carved out between his legs for an anus, and to top it off, he has the worst case of diaper rash I have ever seen. The diaper rash alone is about three square inches of open flesh. He also has a scar from his bellybutton to his ribs from a previous surgery. Imagine, just for a second, the amount of pain this baby has experienced. You can't. It's impossible for us to imagine the kind of pain he is in because we will never know that kind of pain. We have been blessed to live in a country where morphine and vicodin are anywhere and everywhere. You wouldn't even consider surgery unless you KNEW you wouldn't feel a thing. Georgie had his intestines cut apart and sewn together and felt every single second. It's amazing he's still alive.

So as we watched him try to get comfortable and cry with every movement, how can I not ask why? Why does this little, tiny, beautiful baby have to suffer so much? When will it end for him? He deserves a happy, healthy, and long life full of running around, kicking soccer balls, and laughing with friends. Why does this little baby have to suffer like this? Why? Just why?

Horrible Sorrow. So if this wasn't devastating enough for you, I apologize, but what I'm about to write is a million times worse. Yesterday afternoon, five month old Stella passed away. She died. So suddenly. So unexpectedly.

A week ago, Stella was a healthy, happy, and very chubby little girl. She seemed to have no health problems at all. I was on shift in the tiny baby house. Stella was laying on a blanket and began to cry. It was just about time for her feeding, so I picked her up for a bottle. When I picked her up, she was a little floppy; kind of limp. One of the mamas and another volunteer noticed and the mama looked concerned and felt her fead for a fever. We took her temperature. No fever. I fed her the bottle and then held her in the rocking chair for a few hours, watching her carefully. During this time, she began to breathe kind of funny. It was almost like she was wheezing, but it was more like she was making a little noise (like a mix between "peep" and "grunt") with every breath. The mamas made note of it, told the assistant manager, and kept a close eye on her. Two days later, she was in the hospital with what the doctors called pneumonia. She was treated for pneumonia and tested for malaria. No malaria. No fever. No improvement. The next day, they put her on oxygen and Amy demanded she be moved to ICU. There was no room in ICU. That afternoon, she died. Doctors tried for 25 minutes to resuscitate her, but it did not work. Just like that, Stella lost her life.

How could this happen? She was healthy and happy! She was chubby and well-developed, not premature. She literally just died! Died! A five-month-old baby who I was rocking to sleep less than a week ago, died. What?! What?!

Forever Angels has lost five babies in four year, all of whom were premature, days old, and malnourished upon arrival at the baby home. With the other babies, it would have been a miracle if they survived. But who could Stella die? It was so unexpected, so unfair.

All of us at the baby home are truly heartbroken. I cannot even describe the sorrow, the hole in our hearts. Stella was such a beautiful baby whom I will never forget. She has gone from being a blessed baby to truly a forever angel.

I apologize for this depressing update. There's so much more I could write (how life is so unfair and how much we take for granted, especially when it comes to medical care back at home), but I don't know how much more I can bear to think about it all. Please pray for these babies. Please tell other people you know that there are suffering and dying (unnecessarily) babies in Africa (and around the world). Please don't forget them. Don't change the channel when you see a "save the children" commercial. Allow yourself to feel it. Feel the pain for these kids and then act on your empathy. They are helpless. We are not.

Truly heartbroken,
Ciara

P.S. I attended the funeral for Stella today. I haven't cried that hard in a while. All the mamas attended and we mourned the loss of one of our family members. Stella had no parents, no family. We were her family. We loved her so much.

Please keep Stella and all of us at the baby home in your thoughts and prayers

Dear Education Gap, I hate you.

Have you ever gotten that achy, awful feeling in your stomach about something? Well, that's how I feel when I think about the education gap. Lately, it (it being education inequity, my students, the students in my district, the schools I grew up in, education in general) has been on my mind. How could it not be? I start teaching in just a week and a half.

...and I'm filled with this awful feeling in my stomach. Very few feelings compare. I think I actually felt more optimistic about being sick. I'm not kidding. I really truly wish I was.

Let me explain. Here's how the whole cancer thing worked for me.

December 1, 2006--Doctor: "You need to have chemo and to start in about 2.5 weeks...do you have any questions?" me: "Do I have cancer? Doctor: "No one told you?"
I went home. I made a to do list. I wrote D next to things my dad needed to do, A next to things I needed to do. I made phone calls, many of them. I cried, yes, but I went into Alex-crisis mode. There was a problem, and I was going to solve it by having snacks on hand (helps with all the meds) and learning everything I could about the problem a.k.a. cancer.
Later that day--phone call from the doctor: "We got your blood tests results back. We need to start chemo Monday."

Then, I did everything in fast-forward speed. I had two days. I stopped by the Y to see my boss; we picked up medicines; I had a picc-line put in my arm (if anyone ever tells you it's painless, I assure that person is lying). To do list=completed.

December 3, 2006--Day 1 of chemo.

December 25, 2006--Finally let my hair fall out. (No really, I didn't wash it for a couple days so I could make it through Christmas with hair.)

December 27, 2006--20th birthday. Cupcakes at the hospital. Baldness. Super fun. (I really need to invent sarcastic marks.)

January 29, 2007--Last day of chemo. Amazingness.

January 29, 2008--Celebrate one year of great health with tequila and margaritas and friends.

January 29, 2009--Celebrate two years of great health with friends and a tequila sunrise (see the pattern?).

January 29, 2010--Celebrate three years of great health with chinese food and margaritas and my puppy.

...Cancer was "simple." There was a problem, and I created a solution. Granted my solution doesn't guarantee good health, but my solution was: do as much as I can to make things better.

Now, let's go back to education inequity. A GLARING problem. Yet my to do list skills are failing me. I am wondering: What is my way of dealing with this problem? HOW do I fight it?

Cancer I could accept. I hated it, but I could accept it. Nothing could have prevented it, nothing could have made it go away.

Children not all receiving amazing educations? I can't accept that. I hate it, and I can't accept it. This problem SHOULD have been prevented, and something CAN make it go away. I'm not sure though, what is the right "something" to make it go away. I hate that. I hate IT.

And now I'll go to sleep with a knot in my stomach, this achy feeling reminding me how much I am bothered by this problem and wondering how I will be a part of the solution.

Spring Break for an Undergrad...

This email to my dad from college borders on ridiculous. It was titled "Spring Break appts":

Sunday: Fly home
Monday: 2:30 Dr. Colis (I need you to drive me because I have to get those drops put in my eyes)
Tuesday: 11:40 Dr. Block, 1:00 Thyroid Ultrasound
Wednesday: 10:30 Gardisil shot, 11:20 Dr. Hurteau, 1:00 P.M. Haircut with Cassandra
Thursday: Hooray! Nothing!
Friday: Fly back to LA

Clearly, that "vacation" was awesome.


P.S. I cannot wait to purchase Simply Sleep. I officially hate the hour of 4 to 5 A.M.
P.P.S. Question: How do you abbreviate time? A.M.? AM? a.m.? am?