Oh my God, that's great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... "brainy, bright, clever." I love this thing! Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!

My dad just informed me I misspelled eugoogoogly. Still not sure if I'm spelling it correctly.

"A eugooglizer. One who speaks at funerals, or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogly was?"

I wrote a eulogy today.
Weird.

"Come on Lily, the only way it was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed."

Originally this post would be detailing my trip from LA to FL yesterday.

Then, tonight I decided to do laundry.

I went into the laundry room...pulled some clothing out of the dryer...

"Oh my god! Oh my god!! Oh my goddddd!" I yelled as I ran out of the laundry room.

My dad, who had been somewhat peacefully sleeping on the couch (I love you, Dad, but you are the loudest snorer ever), practically jumped off the couch.

"Oh my god. Dad. There is the BIGGEST bug I have ever seen in there."

My dad, half-asleep, crawled off the couch in search for his sandals so he could go kill this bug.

"It's on the cabinet. Above the dryer. Dad, I swear. It's the biggest bug ever. I am not being dramatic. It's bigger than any bug I've ever seen."

I listened anxiously to my dad hitting the cabinet with his sandal. He then reported that he hit the bug, but he couldn't find it. It fell somewhere in the laundry room.

"Okay, I have to put my stuff in the dryer. Will you stand here while I move it in case the bug comes back?"

Laundry=in dryer.

Bug=still in hiding.

Alex=very anxious about this bug.

Solution?

"Don't worry, Dad. I have it covered. I closed the door, and I stuck a blanket under at the bottom so the bug can't get out.

...hey Dad, did you know you eat eight spiders a year?"

I may or may not have an irrational fear of bugs. This bug seriously was huge though. Here's hoping I can fall asleep without this bug finding its way to me. Goodnight lovely friends.

The House is Weirdly Quiet Tonight

Sunday night I could not sleep to save my life...I watched TV most of the night, falling asleep for an hour at most, and I pretty much had given up on getting a good night's rest. Maggie and I had decided to carpool to work the next day, and I had volunteered to drive. At about 5:30 a.m. (I think) however I texted Maggie to see if she could drive. I could barely keep my eyes open after tossing and turning all night!

Well, no sooner did I send this text message, my phone rang. It was my dad. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why he was calling so early. At around 8 a.m. in Florida on Monday morning, my mom passed away. My dad said it was very peaceful, and so there you go. All that we have worried and anxiously anticipated for 10 years now happened quickly, quietly, and peacefully.

I let Maggie know that morning since I would likely be flying home soon, and we headed to work. I think I cried a tiny bit when my dad told me, but no crazy spout of tears yet. I emailed all the staff at school to let them know...and to ask them in the most polite way possible not to hug me as I feared that would set off my crying! :P I had 26 kindergarteners to teach that day, and while I had no idea what I was teaching (apart from the letter I...I did remember that...), I knew I couldn't be crying to do so. I was able to talk to my brother Chris for a few minutes on the way to work, and I found out he would be able to come home to Florida too, which was pretty cool.

I made the choice to post a facebook update letting everyone know about my mom, and I also emailed our friends and family. I've often vacillated on whether or not facebook is the way to share this kind of news. I think in an ideal world, no facebook isn't. That said, if I have a choice between lots of prayers being said for my mom because of a few words on facebook, I choose of lots of prayers. At the end the day, that update and that email saved me from having lots of conversations and relaying the message over and over again...and they also allowed for prayers from so many different people. Goodness knows if my mom had had a facebook account, she would have had a bazillion friends (or at the very least a bazillion friend requests), and I figure she deserves just as many prayers.

Back to my arrival at school...

I had been chatting with another wonderful teacher, Maryrose, the night before, and she had offerred to bring me Coffee Bean that morning. Well, man I needed that hazelnut iced blended. It started my morning off well, and my students were rockstars throughout the morning. We made it through all we had to teach, and then came lunch.

During lunch I realized I should probably try to find a flight home...or at least start exploring flight options. I called my dad to chat for a few moments, and I teared up a bit. It was surreal, starting to figure out when to fly home for my mom's funeral. Weird. Funeral. Then other weird things kept coming to mind: My dad could pick me up whenever I arrived, because he wouldn't have to get a volunteer to sit with my mom. I started to realize a little how things were going to be different now when I went home.

I'll share about my adventure home later, but let's just say, I am glad to be back, and yes things are different. The room I ended up having in our house in Florida is next to my mom's old room. My mom had her own room here since she needed a hospital bed and other things. The few times I have been here in the past couple years, I have fallen asleep to my mom's weird sleep singing (my mom seemed to like to stay awake and sing at night...and it was even better, because the singing/talking definitely was not a song or anything that would help you fall asleep). Whenever we would be in the house, if my mom was in her room, we could hear her on these baby monitors my dad got so he would know how she was doing from wherever he was. Today, the house was weirdly quiet. No noise from the monitors while we watched TV. No singing right now as I'm getting ready to go to sleep.

Things certainly are a little different.

Here's a photo of our super cool family just a couple months ago (July):

One thing I noticed right away when I was home in July is how much weight my mom had lost. This seems kind of impossible to tell, because her stomach is so large. In May, we found out my mom had cancer, and she had lots of tumors in her stomach. However, if you look closely, you can see her legs and arms are thin, her cheekbones and collarbone are protruding.

One more real important thing to notice: How happy my dad looks. He's pretty awesome. Our entire family is pretty darn happy here. We are lucky that we like and love each other as much as we do, and we were even luckier to get to be home just the four of us. It was the first time in a year and a half! :)

Well, now it's time to get to bed. It may only be 10:46 in LA, but that means it's 1:46 here, and I'm hoping I'm not a cranky pants tomorrow after traveling all day, because I know Chloe is going to wake me up bright and early. Oh yes, Chloe is here. My travel update will be a good one. It may or may not involve Chloe breaking out of her bag on the airplane...

Responsibility. It really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences.

I remember right before I graduated from high school, my dad and I turned on this TV show...we watched the pilot of a show about a woman who was in her first year of her medical internship. Oh how oddly fitting it seemed when the episode ended with main character sitting with her mom in a nursing home, and her mom doesn't remember who she is.

I remember thinking two things:
1. Wow. There's something actually on TV about Alzheimer's.
2. If Meredith Grey were a real person, she would likely be about 10 years older than me, but I'll take it.

Since then I've watched Grey's, through its great seasons ("What is that? That is 8 million. 8 million dollars does not like to have juice spilled on it.") and not-so-great seasons (Really, Izzie with the brain tumor?).

I'm not going to lie, part of me hoped I would learn something new when Meredith's mom died. I wondered if maybe it might be some way to understand something no one else would ever be able to explain to me. It's a rare thing to have a mother with Alzheimer's...when you're 15, 18, 25.  It's not as rare as your age increases, so I thought perhaps there might be something I could glean from a TV episode about a young-ish person with a parent with Alzheimer's.

Then Grey's failed me...because Meredith and her mom both had this moment when they got to speak to each other when they both of course were in life-threatening situations. Grey's, been there. I had the whole life-threatening thing happen (though I was a little unaware of it at the time), and that did not happen.

Damn TV. Not solving my problems or teaching me life lessons.

So, how have I been dealing with the latest news?

Well,
1. I emailed our family and friends on Thursday night.
2. I went to work as per usual and again practiced with my students how to use quiet voices. They also did super cool things like fill out college applications thanks to a super cool teacher at our school.
3. I responded to half of the emails I got Friday during lunch.
4. After school I went shopping with my roommate, ate the rest of my pint of ice cream, and then fell asleep watching Alias.
5. Today, I laid in bed...watched more Alias, got a diet coke, made a Costco run for fruit since I can only eat so much ice cream, painted my nails, and as of late have been catching up on all the season premieres of my favorite shows (Grey's, Private Practice, and Happy Endings).
6. I wrote this blog post...because let's be honest, I don't really want to have to say any of this to people...I just want them to know already.

And that's where I am. As for my mom, my dad said she has her eyes open, but she still has not had any food or fluids.

One reason why I love the show Happy Endings: